Ramblings

Today I will ramble- I would post pics but I have a headache and can't start to think and figure out where my camera is. Probably still in J's swim bag.

J had another meet this weekend. People? She kicked it. She beat all her previous times- some as much as 12 seconds. Her coach was shocked that in only 8 weeks she's come this far. Her other girls just made B times and they have been swimming for a year. J got her B times this weekend and is not far from BB times and close to qualifying for Junior Olympic trials- she has a year to do it in her age group- 5 seconds to shave in a year? I think she'll do it... and this B, BB, is swim talk for just keep swimming faster so you can qualify for better meets.

Her dad was there and so was his mom- whom I adored until she turned on me after the split- we never ran out of things to talk about and better still we share the same birthday. But I understood...blood is thicker than water. But we sat and talked about the old times, about our new lives and somehow she hugged me at the end of the day and asked me to stay close. I would love nothing more than to reconnect because I always just liked her...you know those kinds of people that to you, they are likeable? At some point I couldn't figure out how she could conceive such a son but whatever, she even 'served' him in front of me which was quite funny.

So that was my weekend- now J has two tests tomorrow, homework up the ying-yang...and it's back to reality for me. I just want to know what teachers get out of giving out so much darn work every day. Do you know?

And the winner is...

Only FOUR of you guessed it right...shame, shame. Ok so this is what happened...

The NEXT day my boss was en route to NY for some wedding and she starts texting him furiously asking- why did you have to take 20 minutes to fire me? why didn't you do it in 1minute instead? why did you even have me come in? and so on and so on...crazy? YUP. So my boss finally called her and said ENOUGH!

So the answer was B.

Martha, Beth, Michel and Coco answered right. I simply gave each one a number from 1 to 4 and asked J to pick a number from 1 to 4. After 20 minutes of her wanting to know why the hell I wanted her to pick a number (why isn't EVER simple?) she picked...TWO. Which was BETH!! (so please send me your email so I can send you the loot!).

Ok so what happened when we were clearing out her mailbox? we found lots of emails from uhm, shopping? She's shopping craigslist for a boyfriend and making drink dates and just crap like that. And then she's writing poems, fighting with her ex and well...the woman needs help. In the form of strong meds or something. She's certifiably NUTS.

A little contest...

Well we all know NC got fired about 3 weeks ago.

What I forgot to tell you was what she did AFTER...and I'm going to make it into a teeny tiny contest. If you guess correctly you will win a $10 gift card to Amazon.com! So here goes:

She got fired on a Thursday...

a) Friday morning she came into the office demanding her job back and for me to tell the boss that it was ME who had screwed up all along.

b) She started texting the boss with a fury asking hundreds of questions for a couple of days and telling him that the reason she was out of it was because she was very sick.

c) In real NC fashion, she called asking for the number of one our clients so she could ask him out.

And I will later share all the fun we had emptying out her email inbox.

Rules: main one is you have to be a follower- second one is I have to know how to reach you :)

Have fun! You have until Thursday night to guess right. So go at it!

Watching them Grow...

J went for her 10 year wellness check up (she'll be 10 in a little over a month) and while there, we had a conversation with the doctor about starting to wear 'training bras'. J refuses flat out to wear anything resembling a bra. Never mind she doesn't mind playing with mine,but she won't hear any argument about this next phase- not from me, not even from her doctor.

While at Target the other day, I said we needed to shop for "socks" and ended up at the training bra rack (no pun here). She literally held on to my waist and wanted to pull me out of there because she was SO embarassed- when I turned and said 'J! WE ARE SHOPPING FOR YOUR COUSIN! NOT YOU! EW! you don't need this!!" and she looked at me like I had three heads but her grip eased up. She started laughing and pulled up to my ear and asked "do I have a girl cousin?" and I just went on and on about a gift (of training bras) for her cousin Maria. She was ok with that.

At the register she told the lady that the bras were for her cousin except she couldn't keep a straight face. We get home and I take them out and explain to her that these are just worn like a bathing suit top. She agrees to go in her room with me and put it on. After it came on, she felt the 'bra', looked down and said:

"Now what? what is supposed to happen?"

She got mad at me because I couldn't stop laughing...I just told her she could either watch them grow or just go about her business. She told me to get out...I'm assuming she's watching them grow right now 'cause she hasn't been out in a while.

No NyQuil = No Sleep around here

I've been trying to lay off the 'hard' stuff and for the last couple of days I've been up since 430am today because my plugged up ears and throat couldn't let me sleep. Last night I went to bed at midnight because my friend and I could not stop talking on the phone until then- never mind we had lunch yesterday but yet we still had tons to laugh about until MIDNIGHT. So now I'm 'hurting'.

And I had a 7am tennis lesson today. With a new pro who I think is about 8' tall. Or at least he seemed that way to me. But it felt great to play tennis in the dark and watch the sunrise through the beads of sweat. And I got stung by a bee. Thank goodness I'm not allergic. I was hoping he wouldn't volunteer to suck the venom out or pee on my leg and he pretty much proved to be useless- I pulled my calf up to my mouth and sucked on it but nothing came out. And then I realized how stupid I looked and decided to keep playing with venom in my calf. My calf ended up getting really swollen but this morning is all gone.

Oh and the picture? all day today we've been trying to solve the mystery of the missing uniforms- one pair of shorts and two shirts are missing. She still has another pair of shorts and a couple of white shirts but of course the shirts she now WANTS to wear, are the ones that are missing. Finally, I just asked 'how can these clothes just disappear? Things don't just get up and walk out on their own!! If you can't find them you're wearing nothing to school on Monday!!!'. To which J replied, 'oh yes they can mom with the help of bugs- don't you know that they can get under the clothes to hide and then walk away with the clothes on top of them'. She said it with so much conviction and I think I believed it could be a possibility for like 3 seconds.

Well there you go- mystery solved. And all this time I was looking under beds, in drawers and between cushions. I seriously think our maid had them for dinner. That's the best *I* can come up with. So now it's like the UFO thing- did it even exist? Are they ever coming back? Could the lizards taken the clothes for ransom until I turn over the pics of them having sex? REMEMBER THIS? Am I still high from Nyquil?

Please explain to me

why the strangest people are showing up in my dreams? I know I haven't been commenting much but seriously, I try to sneak in a minute here or there and commenting on my BB is hell.

In the WTF? Category- (and mind you I'm very afraid to disclose this but what the heck)

So who did I dream of last night? Nienie's husband. He was in my dream. And so was she. I was trying to help them do something....but I really wanted them to let me have a chair from their house.

In the Hmm...Interesting category-
Sunday night (which is the night I was VERY high on Nyquil- because yes I've/we've been sick but of course, I am the only one who can't complain about it) I watched some Julia ROberts movie...again...with some hot guy- British- they were diplomats or something? so of course I put myself right along Michel but instead of being a diplomat who likes to eat and drink, I was a CIA operative and had to hide stuff in very interesting places. And Michel helped me fit in with the Sudanese people and at one point we were speaking fluent arabic...or whatever it is they speak there. I am sure one of us screwed everything up.

So that's it- I'm weird. I'm still a wee bit sick - just a cold though and have a hard time sleeping but am fine during the day. How you doin?

LMFAO

Have you heard that song by LMFAO? "I'm in Miami...trick"?

J loves this tune from the radio and tonight, this is how it went...

While LMFAO was talking about cojones and coronas...

Mom, what are 'cojones'?

Me: (wondering how the hell I'm going to explain that) It's a spanish word....(trying to stall)

J: for whaaaaaaat? now grin settting in on her face.

Me: testicles

J: what are testicles again?

Me: (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKK!) boy's balls.
Yes that's what I said...because one time she asked me what her boy-friends meant when they talked about their balls. (NICE!) So I said those were their testicles...and then there was the whole Museum encounter in Paris.

J: snickering...so what do cojones have to do with 'coronas'?

Me: good question J, hey want to go to the bookstore?

J: YEAH!

Crisis averted...the kid has a very short attention span (for now) when it comes to cojones. Thanks GOD.

PS- having a kid say 'cojones' with a twinge of "gringo" in her is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Ask me how bad I wanted to say 'oooh say that again! you sound so cute saying it!'