What's in a name?

I hate my name. Hate it. I wonder whether or not my mother took some time to think about my name before actually deciding on it or if it was just a whim. I know I was named after Connie Francis and had I been a boy I would have been named Francisco. Either way I would have been screwed and I know my height saved me from bullying early on. I think your name is a factor on what your relationship with your parents will be down the road. Don't really give a rat's ass and choose one on a whim? watch out. Annoy every friend and relative for about 9 months before deciding? Or even already have the names picked out since you were 5 when you played house? Hey at least you show you care.

It took me 3 months to convince the ex on what to name my daughter. First I wanted Juliette- he barked with 'nah, my daughter will not be named after a girl who killed herself for a boy', then Grace was followed by a 'nah, my daughter won't be named after a woman who died so tragically!', then I wanted Madeline followed up by 'she's not being named after a cookie!' - do you see what I was working with? Meanwhile his recommendations were right out of a strip bar which turns out he ended up frequenting more often than not and hence the reason he suggested, Amber Lynn, Delilah, and some other ridiculous names, I won't care to mention. So we decided on Julianna. With her last name, her name flows beautifully (to me) and is a good strong name for a girl who I thought would be very tall (so far I'm right). Feminine yet not too girly.

Then there's my husband. I LOVE his name: Graham. My daughter called him cracker for the first 6 months she knew him and only because she didn't understand the concept of his name so I would be like- Graham as in 'cracker' hence the nickname stuck. But I love his name- it's so HIM.

And there's me with cracker Connie. I hate my name. Remember when I went by Jane? I actually started getting attached to it but I dunno. I always wanted to be a "Jen" or a "Sofia" (which was another name I suggested but the ex said his ex was named Sophia and she was a whore so...no- because that's still way better than Amber Lynn, right?) or even a "Julia", anything but Connie. And my name is not Consuela or anything resembling a Spanish maid in a telenovela. Just plain Connie. And I hate it. And I can't believe my parents would ever choose that name for me- as far as my daughter goes, she loves her name so I hope she keeps on loving it until she's 100.

I even considered changing my name at one point but how weird would that be? One day I'm Connie and then the next I'm what? Do I ignore people who call me by my old name? And now I can't do it because of my daughter. How screwed would she be? Besides, she gets a kick out of the fact that our big, black, huge mass of a man garbage collector is also named Connie (I asked his name is Constantine and they all call him Connie...maybe we are related in some way). It is kind of funny- in a sadistic kind of way. But he's very cool, so we're all cool.

If it were up to you, what would your name have been?

Technorati tags:names growing up parenting babies

To spank...

Or to beat the crap out of your kids…THAT is the question.

I live near a fairly affluent area. This means that some kids here, for the most part are spoiled little brats I’d like to beat up every once in a while not very well mannered. Well I guess they are EVERYWHERE. But this is the thing- I was in Bloomingdales, looking for some ‘sales’ around the handbag area when I hear mother and daughter having a quiet discussion. I looked at them with happy eyes thinking, oh that will be J and I in 5 or 6 years. The girl was probably 12 or 13. Then it happened: An argument broke out between the two.

The girl wanted a Prada bag, the mother wanted to buy her a Coach bag. “But MOTHER, I WANT a PRADA bag! YOU PROMISED ME A DESIGNER BAG! I don't want that lame-ass bag” I was appalled, but mostly I wondered well, what if I join forces with the mother- will she buy ME a Prada bag? To say I wanted to pull that kid by the ear and tell her mother how dare she contribute to the problem in society where all these kids feel entitled by giving in to her demands!, to just take her home and give her a good spanking and take her phone away or something. But for her to do SOMETHING!!! The mom stood there, rolled her eyes, and bought the little brat daughter the stupid bag. There were a few spectators that just stood there in awe. We all looked at each other and I knew what we were all thinking- that girl is screwed, thanks to her parents. And then I looked at my little Coach bag, realized that my bag (clutch) was the one the mother was trying to sell the daughter on and ran from there like crazy.

I choose to have a different approach to parenting- most of my friends want to ‘talk’ and give their children ‘equal participation time’, they want them to feel heard and valued in the home. Me? I prefer more of the old fashioned approach- I have learned that if you give a kid too much they will take more and pretty soon walk all over you. If adults are talking, she’s to be quiet, if I have a phone in my ear, she’s to leave me alone, if she acts up at any time outside of the house, we leave. And yes, we have left movie theaters, malls, parks, and birthday parties (I didn’t turn around that other time because really, I had no bathrooms in the house and the house was in the midst of construction).

If she doesn’t share, the whole item in question gets thrown out- In the beginning, I threw out A LOT of toys. So yeah my kid will probably hate me, but damn it if I let her act like a spoiled little brat. And although I don’t advocate beating the shit out of your kid, I do believe some kids need a swat across their bottoms every once in a while. Not when they are too young though, but when they get to be old enough to understand why the swat and what the consequence is so that they don't do it again- just once to get their attention. And also not repeated swatting- that would be called beating which ain't kosher.

Now that she’s older though, I have a lot more to dangle in front of her- and it’s great. To her credit, most of the time she's pretty great and knows what the consequences are at this point (she loses privileges and/or fun times) so well, let's just say she knows her boundaries. Did you know that in Memphis, TN corporal punishment is allowed on your child? Yup- as long as it's done in your home, it's ok. I saw a tv news bit on this while I lived in that hell-hole and it shocked me. Which shows the other end of the spectrum- obviously there is a thin line and that's a whole other blog post and if I start going on about that I'll never stop and this is not meant to be a 5 page diatribe.

When I went to Catholic School, the nuns would hit us on the palm of the hands or the back of the knees with rulers if we were ever out of line. Never did my parents complaint or even tried to stop this from happening. I distinctly remember my parents telling my teacher they had their full authority to use whatever force in my upbringing...I was screwed- but thank goodness, I knew to keep my head down, and get by without any corporal punishment.

Know how I was raised? My parents used the belt, wooden spoons, spatulas, shoes and even brushes to discipline. At any given time during my childhood, if one of parents picked this up, I always ducked or ran for cover- it took me about a year after I turned 14 (for some reason they stopped at 13 and some change) to get over this nervous habit, but I guess that shows how often I was disciplined the ‘Spanish’ way. I remember by the time I got to be 8 or 9, I became so adept at avoiding these airborne items, I could have been on Mission Impossible and avoided the 100 laser beams. My reflexes were amazing.

I have heard the line 'this will hurt me more than...' more times than I care to remember and I can bet you it always hurt me way more than it hurt my mother or father...But around 14 I learned the price I'd pay if I didn't listen or do the 'right' thing according to my parents and I guess I didn't turn out all that bad (my opinion of course) At any given point before that, you could see the mark of a wooden spoon right across my white butt, or the shape of a 'chancleta' (sandal in spanish) I’d show it to my sister and we would commiserate and she’d feel bad for me.

But then when it was my brother's turn, we’d just laugh- why was that?

Technorati: discipline spanking raising kids growing up catholic school

There's no escape...

I'm my parents incarnated- I tend to use the same scare the crap out of my kid methods my parents used on me- don't believe me? take a look here:

JR: Mom, I forgot to tell you I had to learn (insert some weird prayer I forgot what the hell it is) by tomorrow. (I look at it and it's half a page- yeah right). We stay up until 9 and she manages to memorize 3/4 of it).

Next morning

Me: You know J, 3rd grade is tough- you are going to have a lot more homework each year and will need to learn to make priorities between tv, barbies and homework. You know your job is your school- you get good grades, and you get good things coming to you (here it comes)...you get bad grades, and I'll put you in public school in the really bad part of town.

JR: Gasp!

Example #2

JR: Mom how come Zoey (Brit's good ole' sis) is having a baby?

Me: Oh I don't know- but I think it's a mistake, I mean you're not supposed to have babies until you are old enough to - well you can't have a baby that soon- you have to wait.

JR: I know mom, I'm not dating until I'm 20.

Me: That sounds good.

JR: but what would happen if...

Me: (here it comes) there is no "IF" end of story. If you ever get pregnant and you're not married, living on your own and well established, I will take you to La Perla (ghetto in PR where they perform witchcraft and abortions with hangers- or so I hear), and you'll be taken care of there.
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Seriously WTF is wrong with this picture? That just came out of me like verbal diarrhea and all of the sudden it was like my father was telling me this shit just yesterday! And why such extremes? I can say however, that it worked for me. I was so scared and if you've ever been in Old San Juan, La Perla is that little neighborhood outside the fort's walls, you have to look down because they are almost on the water. That, is considered to be one of the worst parts of the island. They say if you don't live there and are not invited in, if you just go 'browse' you don't come out. But that's 'they' and I don't know who 'they' are anymore.

While I wasn't looking...

a boy HIT on my kid...the problem is...She's ONLY EIGHT!! AND she's MY kid!!! Can you freaking believe it!?

When I realized what was happening, my face just went numb, I saw my daughter turn her head and try to explain to this boy (who was actually kinda cute in an awkward way and I would say he was like 11 or 12) how she knows the words to some song from Aerosmith (Guitar Hero). And then they were talking while I quietly observed. And it was not planned on my part, I just froze. I really wanted to I don't know, spit on my hands and try to clean the peanut butter stain off her cheek, do something really embarassing but I couldn't. I saw it happening and in my head everything was in slow motion and I was screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. For all I know he knows our number. Thank God the line moved and we got separated. The boy said bye and asked ME what ride would we do next I said we were going to go to dinner kinda far away (really that came out) and then he asked me again where we lived. (Yeah like I was going to tell the psycho were we lived). JR looked at me with THAT look which said 'wait a minute, I can't lie and now you're lying!' and I just pushed her along to get on the left side of the line.

We later discussed as to why the white lie and I tried my best to say for all we knew he could be a serial killer...but much nicer of course.

I'm sure this is what she looked like to him:


But in reality, this is what she still loves (thank GOD!):


Goodness gracious! What's next?
You all have a great weekend- we're off to Puerto Rico tomorrow for a big, fancy wedding and I have yet to clean, pack and get my stuff together. How fun! Woo hoo!

'tis done

My baby girl is a little bit more holy- or could it be holey? I cried like a baby when they all came out for the first time, JR didn't trip down the aisle when she brought the bread and chalice to the priest and her father and his family showed up- that made her day and for that I was glad.

My stepmom and stepgrandmother have been here since Thursday- they are loud and bossy and I'm tired of having people coming and going. But overall yesterday, after the communion we had a big party- both families, some friends and everyone got along great. Except the SIL and my MIL got into a fight but that's always to be expected and provides some entertainment and of course, because I stay out of it, I come out looking like roses. In reality, I didn't even know it happened until AFTER everyone left so they think I stayed out of it but I wanted to know the scoop all the same. This time though, SIL was in the right. Something about where to have mother's day- MIL wants all major holidays at her Country Club that serves shitty food (at least shitty to me) and I would much prefer go to SIL's house, drink martinis and just eat something other than freaking eggs at 2pm. I hate brunch.

My stepgrandmother (85) got drunk on 3 beers and wine- it was quite a sight- she's after my husband and can't get over him. We all made fun of the whole situation- quite a sight. But still, I'm just glad it's over and can't wait to get back to normal. Which is- tomorrow they tear out our bathrooms- now THAT sounds like fun.