Anyways, I asked her if she always had that relationship with her daughter and her answer was yes. We had a brief conversation - I expressed my fears of the terrible teens and she said she never experienced this with any of her daughters. Her advice? NEVER STOP KISSING AND HUGGING THEM. Never. EVER. And they will stay connected to you.
What this woman didn't know was my way obsessive compulsive tendencies and all weekend I've been snuggling with J, hugging and kissing her until in an attempt to be funny, I nearly crushed her (she asked me to snuggle on her lap like she does with me).
She didn't want to snuggle any more but by tomorrow I'm sure she'll forget and I can go back to smothering her with love.
I have been talking to her and making her 'aware' of the consequences of hanging out with the wrong crowd, the piercings she's allowed to have (2 and she already has them- am I the only one who dreams with her kid coming home with those big gaping holes in her ears "Tribal" style?), etc.
I even told her if she got a tattoo my heart would stop beating and I would die- and her face? She totally bought it because she came over to me, hugged me and said, she would never kill me- you SEE?? I take things too far!!! But all I want is for my sweet kid to remain sweet- of course even with purple hair I'd still love her.
I just wonder, what's the magic formula to prevent an ornery kid? Do you have one? Care to share it?
Don't forget to enter the Giveaway! (And SMB you got your 4 entries honey- and ps- I don't have a dog but do need gardening to be done!) ;)
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22 comments:
hahah! You're going to love her to death! THat's hilarious!
I wish I could give you advice, but (a) I don't have kids; and (b) I was one of those bitchy-snotty teens. I did, however, apologize to my mom at age 25. Hopefully, your daughter is nothing like me.
Of course, my mom could never make cakes like you do...there is that.
I am experiencing the same worries! May they just stay as sweet as they are now!
And those ear plugs are gross! Tattoos and piercings--please no!
I like that advice the woman gave you. If my parents had done that I wouldn't have become ornery. The one thing they did that KILLED me, and made me leave home at 17, was their rules. They were so strict. Way too strict. I literally HATED them.
I can't give you any advice from a mother's perspective, but I can from a 19 year old's who loves her family and is very close with them! My mom and I get in the occasional spat, but really, I think it's all about letting your children know that you care about them. For example, in high school, my mom used to call me all the time when I was out with friends, and the rule was, that if a parent was calling, I had to answer no matter what, because that was really why I had the cell phone in the first place. So I would be out with friends, and my mom would call often. My one friend talked to me about this one time, when I was complaining about my parents always calling me, she said, "I wish my mom would call me and check up on me. She doesn't care what I do, and your mom is so cool, she calls and likes to know what's up." I will always remember that, because something so little and insignificant really made me know that my parents care about me and love me. Sorry to basically write a novel, but the things that you think annoy your child so much, really can show them how much you love and care about them!
I don't know what we did right (but I'm pretty sure of what we've done wrong) with our girls but we've been fortunate that they always have wanted to spend time with us. They both always seemed to want us there at their school functions, gatherings, etc. PBC can be a very shallow place. It's not easy keeping them grounded. I would agree with your new friend. Love on her. Just down crush her for God's sake.
Oh and gardening! Damn! I hate gardening! My hands and feet are full of ant bites as I write this. You really know how to hurt a girl.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a crystal ball and see how they turn out. I have a 15yr old and I only hope that she will let me continue to kiss on her and tell me everything. One can dream right!
I have no advice; in fact, I will be needing it in 12 to 13 years.
I agree with her advice. My oldest is getting tough to hug. But, I sneak some in when ever i can.
I have the same fears. My daughter is only 15 months right now, but already has major attitude. Loving the terrible two's! NOT!
My mom was always very open with us, about everything, and you already seem to be that way with J. She was also not totally strict with us. She let us go out, but she had to know who we were with, where we were going, and we had a decent curfew (of course I was a bit odler at this point). I never really went through the major ornery teenage stage, and I think it had to do a lot with mom treating us as a grown-up and letting us find our own way. Not to the point of being out at all hours of the night with just anyone, but she did let us be ourselves. I know times have changed a lot in the last 20 years since I was an early teen but I think the lady is right. Love on your girls, (as much as you can without crushing them) and make sure they know they can talk to you about anything (without you going berserk).
Good luck!!
I don't have kids, but as far as I am concerned, I was a pretty good and thoughtful kid all the way through. My mom is pretty much my best friend and I contribute that mostly to circumstances, but also to the fact that I don't have to "try" to be a certain way with her. I can just "be" and she loves me anyway. Keep that in mind because I know you're hard core sometimes! ;) No, I DO think that the hugging and kissing thing is pretty important. I still like to cuddle with my momma.
Great advice...thank you. I hug and kiss my girls all day. Being four I so can get away with it. I was a fabulous child...never did anything that was bad. I was also raised to be seen and not heard... perfectly proper. So I think more of wanting to make everyone happy is why I never did anything out of the box. SO I am at a lost on what the trick is?? I so NEVER want my girls to behave out of a need of pleasing. ???? Let us know what you come up with!!
xxxxx me
Honest, open communication makes for good relationships. Girls are a bit harder, for they are so emotional. Love them up, tell them how proud you are of them often, and compliment them on being kind hearted girls who are friendly to all! Boys, easier, tell them how proud you are of them, tell them to treat all girls with respect and you can't wait to see the man they become. These things repeated over and over, notes left on beds~telling them how you love them, how proud you are, will win their hearts and minds. I have 2 daughters , 28, and 26...both moms now and I am still telling them how wonderful I think they are! My boys, 23 and 22 are both making me proud every day!! Oh but this is not to say they won't go to the "Dark side" as teens... Just remember when & if they do ... they will come back because you have WON their hearts with your love!!
I'm there with you on the hugging. Either that or a long piece of rope tied to her wrist forever. Surely it won't hurt?
Lots of good advise here...Just like the terrible two's there are phases you just have to get through...for my daughter now 29 it was the age 16 and then when she had her first child...she knew it all...boy howdy...and a redhead to boot! Just hang in there..."this too, shall pass"
Enjoying your blog btwa!☺
I got my book today! Yay!
I think this makes you normal not going too far.
I don't think there is a magic formula... My parents were crazy strict, we had some issues through my teens, and now my mom and very close. Circumstances and more than half of it.
I pray I have a close relationship with my kids even when they are teens. My 8 year old was stewing over whether to tell me something the other day and when she did, she said she always wanted to be able to tell me things. Phew. lets hope it sticks.
Hmmm... I think someone else said it already, can't exactly tell what to do that is right, but I can sure tell you all the things I screwed up! Honestly, I'm not so sure if it is really up to the parent on whether a child decides to be ornery or not, it might just be their personality. I believe I treated all the boys the same, probably a little bit tougher on the youngest having learned from my previous mistakes, yet still one of them was a helluva teenager. Thought he might actually kill me... Regardless, he grew out of it, somewhat, and is a productive adult, well again, somewhat. The hugging and the listening help. All three of them will still let me hug and hold them and give them kisses and they will tell me just about everything, more than I want to know. Just remember, even if she becomes a wenchy teenager and you have a period of mutual hatred, it will only last for a short time and it won't be forever, she'll come back around. I promise.
That was good advice you received. My daughter just hit the "teen" mark officially. Middle school has been 'challenging' in some ways so far...I anticipated that but it is hard to compete with the influence of so many teens in her world (clothing, liking boys, etc.) But I got my sweet, sweet girl back since school has been out which thoroughly convinces me that the mood swings are not just budding hormones but also just the proximity to so many other moody teenagers!!!!! Just maintain your open and honest conversations with her and always let her know that she is loved more than anything else in the world and she is your most precious gift and that she better be honest about EVERYTHING or she is grounded for life! :)
Hang in there when/if the sassy mouth phase comes through--- it will pass and she will return to her sweet self.
if someone lets you in on that magical formula, please please let me know. I am horrified of the teenage years. I will go home and hug and hug and kiss my son until he nearly suffocates tonight.
A hug and a kiss will go a long way and I don't do enough of it! Thx!
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